


Narcotic Nightmares

by blvejay



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Nightmares, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27600220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blvejay/pseuds/blvejay
Summary: I figured since my last fic was so brutally angsty id give you guys a little bit of fluff. My version of fluff. Which is just angsty with a lil bit of sugar. Anyways I hope you enjoy! 😌😌
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White, Lauren/Kieran, kieran/lauren, lauki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	Narcotic Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> I figured since my last fic was so brutally angsty id give you guys a little bit of fluff. My version of fluff. Which is just angsty with a lil bit of sugar. Anyways I hope you enjoy! 😌😌

Lauren couldn’t quite say when it had become a habit, tracing the scars. Perhaps it was the time after the night they’d officially turned themselves in, thrown in side-by-side cells where all Kieran could think of was the prisoners he had killed in that very prison— Lauren had reached through the bars and grabbed his hand, sitting back to back as she drew it toward him. 

Perhaps it was the time after they’d finally told Kym and Will the truth, and William took it a little harder than they’d been expecting— Lauren had held him tight that night, and ran her hands down each individual scar on his back. She knew it hurt him, she knew he didn’t want to tell them, but they had to know, they both knew that much.

Perhaps it was the time after Kieran officially started to see a therapist. Lauren could remember him complaining about his scars once after one of his therapy sessions, the way his body was forever marked with the weight of his sins. Lauren’s heart had dropped, after each kiss and tender stroke on every scar he had on his body, he still hated them.  
“Your scars are a symbol of everything you’ve been through and where you are now,” she tried to reason, but Kieran would have none of it. If there was one thing she had learned about him, it was that he hated pity even more than he hated himself. And that was quite a lot. 

And so, Lauren made it her personal mission to teach Kieran love, real love— to love himself. She knew it was a long road, but if he could only see himself through her eyes for a mere moment, he would understand. 

There wasn’t a single night Lauren didn’t spend with her arms around Kieran. They had both had nightmares all their lives, but being wrapped up together seemed to make it all better. The first time Lauren’s hands had slipped under his shirt and touched the scars, he’d flinched. He hated when she touched them. But it was almost as if he craved her touch so deeply, he’d allow it anyway. 

Lauren was no stranger to nightmares. She could hardly remember a night without them. They were horrifically realistic. The sound of the bombs, the spray of blood, the taste of the blast powder in the air— her feet pounding against the ground, her throat rubbed raw as she cried out. It was nothing new to her. But Kieran’s nightmares were a new type of terror. 

It was the first night they’d spent together that Lauren began to realize just how bad they were. Kieran had been holding her tightly in his arms when they’d fallen asleep, and then, hours later, Lauren woke up to the sound of Kiearn crying out, she had done her best to calm him, but there was no enemy to Kieran stronger than his own mind. 

It wasn’t odd for one of them to wake up screaming, and tonight was no different. Hours earlier, she had fallen asleep wrapped up in Kieran’s arms, and then, Lauren woke to the sound of a loud thump and Kieran on the ground. He was tangled in his sheets, coated in sweat, gasping in and out as he scooted backward until his back hit the wall, cradling his head in his hands. Lauren leapt out of bed, moving lightly in front of him. “Kieran?”

He didn’t even look up, head burrowed in his hands as he muttered to himself incomprehensibly. Lauren reached out gently and touched his shoulder. Kieran’s head jerked up sharply, still choking out staggering gasps. 

“Fuck,” he whispered as he finally registered what was happening. His eyes carted back and forth across the apartment, and then, his head hung 

Lauren reached forward carefully, smoothing his hair back with one hand as she cradled his jaw, forcing him to look up. “What was your dream?”

Kieran jerked his head out of her grasp, “Nothing.”

Lauren sighed, crossing her arms over her chest as she knelt before him. If he was going to lie, he could at least try to be better at it. “I can't help you unless you let me—”

“I don’t want help—” Kieran paused, immediately realizing his mistake, and then he swore again and let his head hang once more. It was rare that Kieran actually let her see into the lies, that he didn’t parry her with rhetorical questions and anything to keep her from seeing. But when he got like this, there was nothing stopping him from throwing it all out for her to see. No suaveness, no coy arrogance, just Kieran. 

“Kieran—”

He let out a short sigh, picking up his head. “I killed you.”

Lauren’s heart lurched, and she swallowed hard, staring down at him. “K--Killed me?”

He raked a shaky hand through his hair, his head falling back against the wall. “That night— in the cave. It was like I was reliving it, only this time, I didn’t let go.”

“Kieran…” Lauren reached out lightly, taking his hand in hers, “You know I forgive you for that.”

Kieran shook his head, his throat bobbing as he gulped. “I don’t— forgive me, I don’t. It was wrong, I hurt you--”

Lauren drew his hand towards her, raising it carefully to place it on her neck. She didn’t even flinch, wrapping his fingers around her throat. “You won’t hurt me,” she whispered, “I’m not afraid of you.” 

Kieran’s hand moved gently across her skin, slipping back to cup the base of her head, his thumb rubbing small circles behind her ear. He pulled her forward carefully, his voice coming out as little more than a whisper. “Maybe you should be.” Kieran leaned forward, drawing her to him until her lips were on his. He pulled her onto his lap, and Lauren went quickly, falling into his lap. Her hands tangled up in his hair, now pressed chest to chest as Kieran administered kiss after kiss, slipping from her lips to her jaw, and then to her neck. 

His kisses were softer as he moved down, lips gracing lightly over the skin where his hand had just rested. Her head fell back, hands gripping harshly into his hair. She trusted him. Surely he had to know that by now. Laurens hands moved down his body, slipping under his shirt, hands gripping at his back where she could feel the mangled skin. Lauren’s heart slowed as she felt the familiar mutilated flesh.

Scars. She knew them well. Scars that she had inflicted. Lashes that she had administered. It had been a part of Lune’s punishment. In order to maintain anonymity, to be released from the prison— the King had ordered the Purple Hyacinth was to be lashed in the main square for everyone to see. And Lauren was to be the one administering those lashings. It had nearly broken both of them. 

Lauren had kissed every single one of those scars, cried as her hands roamed over them and her heart broke at the sight of the man she loved in pain. She could hardly stand that she had been the one to do such a thing to him. Perhaps that had been the reason they’d been ordered such a punishment— a reminder that if the Kingdom could not hurt them, they would make them hurt each other. 

Lauren’s hands traced lightly over the skin, remembering each place she had brought the whip down, and Kieran’s lips traced lightly over her neck, in the pattern of a hand. It was a silent apology from both of them. A broken-hearted wish that the other could understand, and they both knew the other did. Still, the guilt was suffocating. 

Kierans hands hooked underneath her, and then they were standing, Lauren’s legs wrapped around his waist. And then Lauren was beneath him on the bed,  
arms wrapped around her tight, pressing kiss after kiss to her neck. Lauren grabbed his face between her hands, pressing their lips together again.

It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingled. She ran her fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest.

They drew back lightly, staring into each other’s eyes. Their foreheads fell together lightly, breathing hard. ”I love you—” Kieran mustered a small smile, “—Officer.” 

Lauren couldn’t help but smile. She still couldn’t believe they were here. Safe— alive. Lauren bit back a chuckle, grinning against his lips. “I love you too, Subordinate.”


End file.
